It needs to be seen to understand

Today, I saw my friends (names are disclosed), a couple, who went on having an argument because of study stress. Then I remembered how it was when me and my ex argue. It looks so different compared to mine. Their so..... how to say.... loving.

My past experience however, was not that good. No matter what we argued, I must be on the side of defeat, or my life will be sad, in both scenarios.

I have learn that in a relationship, give and take is very important. Little unweighted on either side will cause problems. I also realize that I have gave too much kindness and care, that I did never got back. My ex just want more and more care. Just a little un-care will bring her saying "you have changed", or "you don't care about me anymore".

Its quite a mystery how I not notice it sooner.

Then after I went back to my room, I messaged them, asking how are they. Then one said, "I am sorry, I am a bit under pressure today." and the word that made me realize everything so clearly is what he said after that "I wouldn't ever want to lose her".

Every time I argued with my ex, I really wanted to split up with her, every single time. Its because, I never felt that this relationship is worth it, cause she hardly care, even for my well being.

I felt like I am trapped in a cage, seeking desperately for a way out.

Why didn't I split up sooner?

Every time I propose to split up, she will be crying, begging and begging to reconsider, saying that I am the only one that ever cares for her. I just cant stand hurting her, every time I propose it, I felt more painful. It clouds my thinking, to say weather its the right thing to do.

After seeing how they care for each other, I now really have understood, my sacrifices were nothing but to pray to false gods, blinded by words, not knowing that god is just above us.

I finally understand that she is definitely never the one for me.
Today is the happiest day for me ever since I split up with her. Amazingly, all thanks to one small argument between my friends.