Doubt

I got a dream yesterday, seeing my ex doing bad stuff, and started crying in my dreams......
And now I was re-thinking, is this what I want? Will I ever regret splitting up with her?
The lady that I loved so much, whom I can still dream of now? To sacrifice our relationship for our dreams to succeed in the future? I really am doubting now. A lady that made me cry for 5 days straight, just because of her studying like a freak for her finals, without even caring about what I said even once, don't even come out for dinner.

Even after her finals, in December 09, my 20th birthday last year, she would not even want to answer my phone calls for the whole week just because of her selfish needs, just because her parents don't allow her to go Genting Highlands with her friends due to the Indian Raids. Is going to Genting Highlands with her friends more important than me?

Even if she is about 80-90+kg in weight, I don't even mind being with her. A lot of people say bad things about our relationship, I keep ignoring them. She is so dirty, always bite her nails, sometimes I even saw her lie to me, like biting her nails and say she didn't, didn't brush her teeth till all the food sticking on her teeth early in the morning and say she just did, and I keep trusting her.

She also keep on giving pressure to me, doing the impossible. And when I got angry, she always say she was joking...... I cant see which is true and which is false anymore. She always use the phrase (because you are a guy mer), its like, am I your slave?

I was so angry, called her 'bitch' and 'porky' even till now, yet weirdly, I still cant stop caring for her. It feels like she is very useless without me.

Worrying for her health, always get sick, ask her to work out and diet, she never listen until I got fed up and keep sending rude sms'es saying about it with the 'porky' trademark. Of course I am angry, cause she don't listen.

Even though currently she got highest in her South Australian Matriculation, she sacrificed our relationship. I still think it is quite wise, even though it is very hard for me to accept, we are going forth towards our dreams.

With this post, I am ready to make this promise. I promise I will never bother your life anymore, nor sadden you nor please you, nor care nor scold you, nor think nor have that has anything to do with you.

I cant afford to live with you in my mind anymore, thus I sincerely apologize.

Thank you for everything and keep up the good work.

You will find a better person in the future, this i believe.